Dieing Without You
by setherfan91
Summary: Malex, possibly a oneshot. Not what you think, please R


**Dieing Without You**

**One Shot- Possibly**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N- It's written in Alex's point of view**

I finally reached the rooftop of one of LA's tallest buildings. It was about one in the morning. I had a knife and a photo album in one hand, and a bottle of vodka in the other. I sat down on the ground, not caring that it was dirty, and started to cry, something that I had been doing a lot lately, something I'd been doing since she died.

She'd been my best friend since we were 6. She'd been my girlfriend since we were fifteen. She was my world, my everything. And now she's gone, and my world's gone too. She was killed last week in a car crash. She'd been on her way to see me, as we were going to have dinner at her favorite restaurant, to celebrate our 5 year anniversary, And, unknown to her, I was going to propose to her. I pulled the ring box out of my pocket, but I didn't open it, I wasn't ready to open it yet. I set it aside and opened the bottle of vodka, took a large drink from it, and set it down. I want to remember, forget, and then die. That's all I want to do tonight.

I opened the photo album and began to look at the photos inside. They first one was of she and I at my 8th birthday party. We were smiling goofily into the camera like we always used to do. The next photo was of her and I on her 14th birthday. She looked happy then, but later that night, I held her as she cried herself to sleep. She had told me a secret that night, and her secret was that she was a lesbian. I was shocked at first, but she was my best friend, so nothing else mattered, and I promised her that I would always be there for her, no matter what.

"I'm sorry I couldn't have been with you. I'm sorry I couldn't have saved you," I said to the air as the tears streamed down my face.

She was at a stoplight and when the light turned green, she pulled into the intersection, only to be slammed into on the drivers side by a drunk driver. The doctor's later told me that she hadn't suffered, that she'd been killed on impact.

"It should've been me," I murmured. When we went somewhere, I always drove, she wasn't the best driver, and driving in LA scared her. If I'd been with her, she might have still been alive, even if I was dead. Hell, I was already dead. My heart died when she died, and the rest of me is going to die soon. I glanced at the knife, but it wasn't time yet.

I flipped to another page in the scrapbook. We were standing on the beach with our surfboards, arm around each other's shoulders. We were fifteen, but this was before we started dating. She'd later tell me that she'd loved me as more than a friend for ages, just like I'd later tell her that I'd loved her since she admitted to me the thing that I was too afraid to admit to myself. That I was gay too. The night she'd told me that, I hadn't slept at all. I just stayed up all night, watching her sleep. With tear and mascara tracks down her face, but she still looked beautiful to me. I came out to myself that night, and it felt as if a weight had been lifted. Later on, I realized that I was falling for her, but she was too important to me to risk jeopardizing our friendship. I turned the page again, and it was a picture of us in front of the very building who's roof I'm currently sitting on.

She was always into rebellious things. One night, we snuck out of my house, took my parents car, (despite the fact that neither of us had licenses,) and drove to this very building. We got in through and unlocked back door and somehow managed to climb up 47 flights of stairs to reach the rooftop without being detected. We sat on the roof and talked for a couple of hours before we finally decided to leave. We stood up, and I started to walk towards the door, but she grabbed my arm, pulled me back to her, and kissed me.

I was stunned at first, but eventually my brain kicked in and I began to kiss her back. After a few moments when oxygen became an issue, we pulled apart. She told me that she liked me as more than a friend, and I told her the same. Five years and one week ago, we kissed for the first time on the roof of this building. I fell in love for the first time on the roof of this building. So it only seems fitting that I'm going to die on the roof of this building.

I turned the page again in the photo album, but then I gave up and threw it away from me, no longer able to stand looking at her, it just hurt too much. I grabbed the bottle of vodka and drank from it until about half of it was gone. I opened the ring box and pulled out the ring. It was simple and elegant, just like she would've liked. I slipped it on my own ring finger. I took another long drink from the bottle…

I opened my eyes to see bright white light all around me. I figure that I either passed out from drinking so damn much, or I'm dead. I'm hoping it's the latter, but I'm not seeing any pearly gates. I hear footsteps behind me. I stand up and turn around and see the face of a person I never thought I'd see again. She smiles at me, that smile that could always drive me insane. Her long dark hair frames her perfect face.

"Jodie?" I question, hoping beyond hope that it's her. She nods. "Am I dead?"

"Nope, just passed out from all the vodka you drank." She looks at me curiously. "Why were you going to kill yourself?" she asks me.

"I think you know why," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Because I died?"

"Yes, and because, when you died, a part of me died too." She smiles sadly at this and walks over to me, gently pulling me into a hug. It feels so good to be in her arms again. She pulls apart first, and kisses me. It was a simple kiss, but it's filled with love. We pull apart and she steps back, keeping her hands on my arms.

"I want you to do something for me," she says softly.

"Anything."

"When you wake up, walk off the rooftop. Take the scrapbook, but leave the knife behind. And never try to kill yourself."

"But, we could be together again," I protested. She shakes her head sadly.

"We could be, but it's not our destiny. I love you, more than anything in the world, and I know that you feel the same. But there's someone else out there who you are destined to be with. And she's not me."

"I don't believe that," I say immediately, not imagining being with anyone but her. "How could you think something like that?"

"Because, you hear things when you're dead," she says with a smirk. I roll my eyes at her. "Baby, I want you to live your life. Do yourself a favor, and go to Newport Beach, you'll find her there. Be happy. Do all the things you want to do, experience life. And, live for me. Do the things the I never got to do. But most importantly, fall in love, it'll be worth it, I swear." I'm sobbing at this point, but I nod and pull her closer to me.

"I believe you," I say. She kisses me once more, and then she begins to move away from me. "Jodie," I call after her, knowing that I'll be waking up in a moment. She turns around. "I love you," I say, tears still streaming down my face.

"I love you too, angel," she said, using her long time nickname for me. Then, she begins to fade away, and, seconds later, I wake up.

I did everything she asked me to do. I moved to Newport Beach, where I met a girl, and I knew from the moment I met her that she was the girl the Jodie was talking about. She was the one for me. We fell in love, and I lived for me, and I lived for Jodie. I did all the crazy things she'd always wanted to do. Sky diving, deep sea diving, I even went rock climbing for her crazy ass.

As for Marissa, she was everything to me, and more. Though there was a small piece of my heart that would always belong to Jodie, I love Marissa more than life itself. We're celebrating our three year anniversary tonight. I glance down at the ring on my middle finger, the ring I'd bought three and a half years ago for Jodie. I'd never taken it off. But, I was about to add a ring to the right finger, for the right girl. I looked up from the menu at Marissa sitting across from me and smiled at her, knowing that we were going to be ok.

**Ok, I know there's not much Malex, but I just had this idea and decided to write it. If people are interested, I may continue it instead of having it be a one shot, so let me know your opinions.**


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